Please do not offer my god a peanut. I’m going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won’t be back for ten minutes! Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen. Books are useless! I only ever read one book, “To Kill A Mockingbird,” and it gave me absolutely no insight on how to kill mockingbirds! Sure it taught me not to judge a man by the color of his skin…but what good does *that* do me?
Last night’s “Itchy and Scratchy Show” was, without a doubt, the worst episode *ever.* Rest assured, I was on the Internet within minutes, registering my disgust throughout the world.
Aaah! Natural light! Get it off me! Get it off me! Here’s to alcohol, the cause of — and solution to — all life’s problems. I’ve done everything the Bible says — even the stuff that contradicts the other stuff!
Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It’s what separates us from the animals…except the weasel. And here I am using my own lungs like a sucker. The Internet King? I wonder if he could provide faster nudity…
Brace yourselves gentlemen. According to the gas chromatograph, the secret ingredient is… Love!? Who’s been screwing with this thing? Ahoy hoy? Son, when you participate in sporting events, it’s not whether you win or lose: it’s how drunk you get.
